You're not a coward, or (necessarily) a hero...

Our response to danger is no reflection of who we are as a person.

Let me say that again, to you. Your response to danger is no reflection of who you are as a person.

Our brain instinctively responds to threats with one of three responses. We run from the threat, we fight the threat, or we freeze - we just play dead. How we respond is not in our control. The reaction happens before you can even blink and realize what's happening to you. We can control our response to danger about as well as we can control what color cup our toddler will want today.

This morning I saw people criticizing Jason Aldean for not warning people before he ran off the stage. You guys, we have no idea how we will respond in a moment of threat until it's happening to us. By the time you're responding, there's no time to think about what you're doing. We should no more criticize Jason Aldean than we should be applauding the man who was flipping off the shooter. Both reactions were instinctual and mean nothing about their personality or who they are as human beings. Although, based on the picture, I'd say the gentleman flipping off the shooter had altered his instincts slightly. But the reality is, him standing up and flipping the bird versus ducking and covering, means nothing more, or less, than his (albeit altered) brain is driven to respond with fight.

Let me say this again, our responses in the moment to threats are no indication of who we are as human beings. Perhaps this brings you comfort as you reflect on a time when you were in a dangerous situation and you responded in a way that surprised you or has left you feeling guilt and shame. Or perhaps you are really angry at me right now because you're really proud of how you responded and you wanted to believe that it's an indication of what a wonderful person you are. I do apologize for upsetting you. But isn't there a sense of relief in knowing that our immediate responses are no indication of who we are as human beings?

What about all the heroic responses? Yes, those are important, and we should be proud of the way hundreds of people stepped up to help fellow mankind in the midst of horror. How we respond when our brains are back "online" (that is, when we've calmed down and our brain knows we are safe again) and we can think through our responses, that's a better indication. It's still a brain experiencing trauma so it's operating through that filter, but only when we have access to the full capacities of our brain to think through our choices, to make choices about who we are and who we want to be, and how we want to portray ourselves can we interpret our behavior as who we are as a person.

So whether you screamed, fled the scene leaving your friends and family behind, wet your pants, or jumped up and protected others around you, know that your brain did exactly what it should have done - it found a way to attempt to keep you safe. And whatever you did, you're okay.